I Cannot Rest Since I Have Been Blessed
by Sandy Arena on 01/16/14
Fighting for the unborn and reaching out to help those who suffer after abortion can be hard and depressing -- the things I read, the people I talk to, the stories I share, the lives that have been destroyed. It is horrific. At times I need to turn away, tune out, unwind, unload and think on things other than death in the womb. I need to smile, breath and play with my dogs. I need to laugh and take in beauty. I need to kiss my husband and hug my kids. I need to dance, run and decorate. I need to write and play the piano. I need to take pictures. I need not to think about abortion.
It is an ebb and a flow, and I believe God has ordained it to be so.
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:19, "Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ." He goes on to say
later in verse 23: "I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings." I too can relate, having lived with a continuous burn and passion in my heart to bring people a message that although is specific to abortion, is rooted in bringing people to Christ.
Lately, it's been a flow, with not much ebb, and the passion has intensified. The ideas, the vision, the "to do" lists, the tasks, the contacts, the meetings, the thoughts, the stories, the photos, the music. The Life Ballet. It's just all outwardly flowing and I'm having a hard time keeping myself in balance, lest I blow up everyone's news feed. I've been talking and emailing and hash tagging and sharing and designing and writing in a very focused, task-oriented and goal-oriented way. I don't remember feeling this "driven" -- for lack of a better word -- since the season when God first called me to The Life Ballet and every moment in those early development days proved to be a high-octane, highly charged, supernatural download of "things to do" to get this show off the ground.
So what's this all about? What's up with the intensification? If the beginning days of this new year were any indication of the direction we were going in, instead of managing a mile long task list, I would be lying in bed doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself. The last day of 2013 -- December 31, 2013 -- was probably one of the worst days of the year for us. Everything went wrong and it was one devil dart after another, after another and much of it was directed at The Life Ballet. It was Sam and mine's anniversary too, and I was pretty sure the devil wanted to smash us into the ground, as we kissed each other and 2013 good-bye. After an exhausting, tear-filled day, I went to sleep at midnight drained and distraught, only to wake up again raw and exhausted. Not the way you want to start the New Year off, and especially under the impressionable and watchful eyes of my sweet children. They need to see "joyful, filled-with-hope mommy", not "slumpy-grumpy mommy".
I stayed in my cave for a few days, reflective and still and not quite so sure what this new year ahead would look like. Then something extraordinary happened that turned it all around. I received a letter from my 84-year-old mother articulating and blessing the call that God has placed on my life to battle for the unborn, and that made all the difference for me. It was like taking turbo
"get-it- done" pill. Her precious, hand-scribbled, barely legible words empowered me to refocus, recharge and face 2014 and all of its battles head on, and with head held high. My mama said it is so, so it must be so. It was the most meaningful and important gift I have ever received from her and I am forever grateful.
With my own personal passion and purpose ignited through the blessing of my mother, I am thankful and resolved to do as Paul said later in 1 Corinthians 9:24, "Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!" I run to win with the hopes to see the end of legalized abortion in America in my own lifetime and to help men and women heal from guilt and shame in the aftermath of abortion.
The day my little angel was born. The due date was December 25, 1965. The day my daughter should have been born, satan had his own plans to kill the baby that would be a threat to abortion. God's plan was for Sandy to live, to further HIS work to protect unborn children. Sandra Carole was born in spite of satan's plan to destroy her. Writing this down helps to see the Master's plan. God's angels were hovering over the birth making sure His will would be done.
Sandra Carole was born Thanksgiving morning - one month early. The angels were rejoicing. The rest of Sandra's life was a struggle because of the problems of trying to bring forth God's plan. God was not letting go of Sandy. He knew what was to come. Her life's problems were to be turned around for good and to be used for the mission given to Sandra - Saving Babies and Guilt-Grieving Mothers, showing them God's love and salvation FREE for them and all who will believe.
It was a HAPPY day when Jesus came into her heart forever to stay. Love has won out by almighty God's own SON. Praise you Jesus for Sandy. As Sandra's mother, I can see the whole plan and all of God's wondrous works. How His angels never left Sandy. God will prevail in Sandy's life. There is still more to be done.
Closing prayer: Father, continue to work in Sandra's life and heal her body of infirmities. Lord, through Sandra's life and her beautiful family you have given her love. I thank you for the gift you gave me on that Thanksgiving morning and the gift of Jesus Christ in her life and mine.
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
